Tranquility is Subjective

Two monks are walking along, and one says, "Life is a beautiful fountain." Ten years later the same two monks are walking together and the second one says, "A fountain?" The first monk says, "Yes."

Fifteen years later the two monks are walking along. The second one says, "Don't you mean a river?" The first monk says, "You're always arguing."

Inept Phone Service

Welcome to the XYZ Company's electronic answering system. If you know your party's extension, why did you call our main switchboard?

(With Government) You have reached a non-working number at the U.S. Department of Labor, and hence we can't connect you with anyone.

Calls are taken in the order received so please stay on the line so that we can repeat this irritating message at least a half a dozen times. You will not be disconnected, unless, of course, you are.

Your call is important to us, which is why we're willing to tie up your phone for a half an hour.

If you're using a rotary phone, good luck in reaching anyone.

If you're calling from a touch-tone phone and would like to leave a message, press the # sign followed by the number 2, followed by the digits of your social security number...

Once your message is completed, if you'd like to change it, press star button followed by the number 4, or wait for further overly-complex instructions.

To reach a customer service representative, who will practice learning English during your call, press 5.

To reach technical support, press 7 and please make sure you have your customer ID number, equipment serial number, original invoice, and lots of reading material.

For all other departments, please stay on the line where you'll be subjected to Muzak.